Pause!

Pause

Life is a constant bombardment. It seems like every moment of every hour brings an assault on our senses from all angles: noise; colour, thoughts and demands. It is too easy to drown in it all

That is when I pour a coffee, close my eyes, and pause.

Sometimes all I can do is stop and take a breath. It is in these moments of quiet that I can hear what is truly important. This is when I can focus on what is needed.

Moments of quiet are essential for me. It’s like turning the power off…. and on again.

 

Credits:

Hair:         Wasabi Pills – Mango

Shirt:         ISON – yso tied shirt

Shorts:       Blueberry – Lola

Shoes:        VALE KOER – Bow wedges

Sofa:           BAZAR – Berlin

Table:         BAZAR – Toronto Coffee Table

Flowers:    CONSIGNMENT – Calla Lily

Coffee:       Apple Fall – Coffee and Muffin

 

Thorns and duty.

Thorns

It’s been a while since I brought anything from Briarhaven….. so here’s something from the continued meddlings of a fairy called Mora 😉

 

Mora chuckles as she is almost hauled through The Glade, Bug pulling one hand, and Dandy the other. The fae children gabble at her about thorns and silks being torn. “Hang on, slow down… only one of you talk at a time!” she urges. Both children pause, look at the other, then start again. Mora laughs louder and pulls back against both, making them stop. “Now…” She looks at Dandy “YOU tell me what the matter is!”

The young girl fairy takes a deep breath, then gabbles quickly, her already high-pitched voice raising with excitement “They all appeared overnight… just are… there… they have covered the throne… ” “CHAIR!” Bug chimes in “It’s just a chair!”

Bug decides a more direct approach is needed and grabs Mora’s hand again, dragging her to the entrance to the Seelie ruins. Her eyes widen with joy as she sees the thorns “Ohhhh…. I see what you mean!” Bug lets her hand go and she steps into the ruins, and walks carefully towards the mass of thorns.

Mora’s bare toes wriggle into the grass and moss, as she softly speaks to the tangle of thorns, reaching out her long fingers and gently caressing the gnarled and twisted stems. Bug and Dandy watch her silently, amazed at how deftly her fingers slide between even the most angry and jagged thorns, leaving not even the slightest scrape on her pale skin.

If the children had been closer and knew the words of the ancients they might have heard her speak to the thorns. “Who sent you, I know you were not called by me….. but one of power has brought you forth.” Her fingers and toes read the reply as small vibrations are carried to her through the very earth itself. No words that others would hear, but from her connection to all plants living, Mora understands their answer, as they are relieved to feel her there. “The King who wields the power of winter and ice called us here… we know not why.”

A soft smile plays at the corners of Mora’s mouth, then grows wider as her fingers continue to stroke and calm the thorns. “Perhaps he turns from the unnatural way of arcane magic, and returns to his given powers as King of the Enchanted” She softly muses to herself, before chanting to the thorns “Well, my lovelies, in that case, if the King has bidden it, you must remain here, but despair not… create a barrier of beauty and flourish.” The thorns seem to almost tremble a sigh as they twist and curve tighter in on themselves, creating a barrier which can not be easily penetrated, but one which is beautiful to behold in structure.

Bug and Dandy look amazed at Mora as she turns back to them. “Aren’t you going to get rid of them?” Dandy asks. Mora smiles and places her hand on the girl’s head. “Goodness no. It seems King Pyrite called them here, and as he is our King, it is not for me to remove them. ” She looks back to the thorns, then back to the children. “I tell you something though… they would appreciate it if you sang to them now and then. Plants like that… even ones that are good at keeping others away…. especially those, as they provide protection at times.” She grins, knowing the children will learn and tend to the thorns and in time, if left long enough roses may spring from some, and brambles from others.

 

Life lived in colour

Friends

 

Friendships are like flowers, they bring colour and perfume to life, but just like plants, each needs tending and nurturing to flourish. I sometimes wonder if I am a better gardener than I am a friend.

I will be honest… I can be a very difficult friend to hang onto over time. These blogrambles show how much I contemplate and question things in life, and often those closest to me have my emotions rained down on them at times, to the point where some are in danger of drowning and need to flee to save themselves.

As old as I am, I am still learning about friendships. I watch… I see patterns repeating themselves, and sadly I am always very hard on myself. I *think* I am a giving and patient friend. I would like to think I am someone who can share the good and fun times, as well as weathering storms at your side. There are times when I am told by honest friends, that I come across differently. At times I am told what others say about me and how negative an influence I can be on the lives of others.

My natural reaction when I see a friend in trouble, is to step in and defend them, or take the flack in their place. This is not always wanted, or needed though. It’s just that I have been through so much hardship and pain in life, that I would prefer to save anyone I care for from feeling the same way.

For too many years I have neglected what should be the most important friend in my life… myself. Too often I have put the needs of others before my own. This has been something I have been working to rectify over the past year or more.

I no longer have patience for those who would seem to be a friend, but at the first chance they get, who would throw me under the proverbial bus, if it would give them a chance to survive in my place. Treat me badly, speak ill of me, then turn to me with a smiling face of false friendship, and rest-assured you will find yourself cut free for good. I don’t think this is harsh, I just don’t have the time or energy to try and solve the issues of those who think that is how friendship works.

I am blessed. I have a small core of people I am proud to call friend. Each friendship is at a different place of growth and closeness, but each brings me so much joy and I try to pay that back too! I try to give each friendship what it needs to not only survive, but to bloom!

Recently I discovered something wonderful. In amongst the collection of plants, there may be one which has lain seemingly forgotten… the neglected remains which at first glance seem shriveled and dead. Unless there was a real reason to discard a friendship, I keep it there, the person held in my thoughts and heart, even if they give me no further thought or time. If both sides of that friendship wish to rekindle it, it’s wonderful to see the magic which can happen when two people truly put all their nurturing efforts into something.

True friendship is worth much and all efforts, in my opinion. There’s no time in life to waste effort and care in trying to grow much on ‘barren ground’. Don’t lose your smile over this, turn your face to the bright joy of the wonderfully flowering friendships who delight in you as much as you do in them. Life truly is too short to lose time over pain and sadness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clear the tracks!

Nowhere

Life is all about moving forwards.

I am willing to admit that sometimes I find it too easy to slip into the comfortable rut of complacency. Spend too long there though, and before I know what’s happened, the tracks of my life have become overgrown and I am actually going nowhere, sinking into the midden of missed opportunities.

I read something the other day which suggested something along the lines of, “Life teaches you the same lesson over and over, until you have learned.” I don’t subscribe to the idea that somewhere an ethereal being plans the events of each day, aiming repeated obstacles in my path until I have demonstrated that I know how to stumble over them. I do however, firmly believe that it is up to me to stop smacking my head against the same walls over and over.

Rather than view things as my own personal failures, I need to hold my head up and accept that not every mistake was mine to make. There can be peace in accepting that I did all I could in a certain situation, and even with certain people.

It is, however, up to me to clear the tracks and get my life rolling again.

The bravery of baring.

Brave

It takes bravery to open up to someone else, whether in friendship, or something more.

 

If you are as open as I am (rightly, or wrongly), it can be like taking all the pages of your life and throwing them in the air to be read. All boxed secrets are emptied in time to be exposed and scrutinized.

 

I never know how someone will react to me though. So often once someone gets to truly see, or know me, they either run away, or spend time making me jump through hoops to convince them to stay in my life.

 

How wonderful it is to sit and speak with someone, and have them nod and tell me they totally understand, then swap some deep-held part of themselves which matches, or overlaps. How much joy those people bring!

 

I lament those who back away from me. Those shared secrets cannot ever be boxed away again, or forgotten. My life’s pages cannot be bound back into their book and the cover closed. Each day brings new possibilities in life, and it’s always hard to see lost chances, especially which have come from some aspect of me which is too much, too deep, or just too muddled to be understood.

 

I treasure those who match me in bravery and am strengthened and made richer through their friendship.

 

Whatever I lose, I never lose myself

India

Life isn’t always the place of happiness and peace we would wish it to be.

As much as we can try and keep our personal oceans calm and mirror-like, so much is beyond our control and we are powerless to quell the sudden storms which can appear and rage.

For weeks, no, months now I have felt I have been hit by storm after storm, each one seemingly stronger than the last.

I have felt at times like a leaf, something frail and small, powerless to prevent myself being blown about, and against any hard obstacle.

It has been a slow process of seeming to strip away so much of me. My smile has disappeared at times, my patience and humour have been fleeting.

Those who know me, know how easily I can withdraw into my darkness, allowing my thoughts, and demons to run amok. I have dwelled in the cold despair of not knowing how to truly dig myself out of it all.

Then it hit me…

I don’t need to.

Yes, storms and hurt erode, but they can’t take all of me. I am still me. There is a strong and defiant heart at the centre of this woman, which will triumph.

When the storms die down and the wind drops its debris I stand again. Whatever else about me has been stripped away, what remains is determination and a renewed strength that comes from the realization that it did not beat me.

I am still here!

*grins*

 

 

 

RP- Chess with words!

MoraLight

 

Most of you know how much I love words, but also how much difficulty I have explaining myself at times. Haha. So THIS is an attempt at explaining how and why I RP, (roleplay) in SL. I will warn you though… it’s going to be neither short, nor simple. It’s actually something which has been running around in my head for a long time.

I RP because I love words. I really enjoy writing but also enjoy the challenge of puzzles. To me RPing is a lot like doing a crossword puzzle at the same time as trying to work out a game of chess. It’s a real mental workout and now that I am old and at the mercy of awkward times in life, I don’t have the mental capacity to spend much time doing it.

It used to say on my SL profile that I am an RPer. I had to change that due to some of the random IMs I would receive when I was out and about of the various scenarios that some guys had dreamed up and hoped I might like to join them in. Yeah…. much eye-rolling there! What might start as me turning them down politely, at times would often end up with me having to bare my teeth at their wrong assumption. THAT is not the kind of random RP I mean.

I am… an RPer, but an wonderfully boring one by some people’s standards…and let me explain why. I now RP in SL as a character called Mora Meadowsweet, who is a fairy. Mora is simply a verbal costume that I put on. She’s a character that I drop into the middle of a medieval fantasy soap opera, but I never lose track of the fact that she is just a character… and I am just an actor. It is not a different life, just something I spend time doing now and then. She is NOT me, but is made up of parts of who I am, which have been exaggerated. I have often been told that to be a real RPer, I should create and use a character that is the complete opposite of me…. of who I am. I am not good enough at stepping out of myself completely though. I am just me.

I would rather create a character who feels real to those who meet her. She’s very grounded in who I am. For that reason, Mora will always share something of me, some trace of who I am. For example, Mora will do the right thing, but rather than life, my life, where sometimes ‘the right thing’ isn’t what I myself would want to do, Mora can do it. That’s often liberating. If someone is rude to her, she can simply unleash harsh words, or even slap someone…. things I would try and avoid doing in real life… as much as possible. She’s old and cynical, but also capable of much laughter and prank-playing.

I have RPd as a fairy for a good few years now. I am someone who LOVES nature. I am a very happy person when I can stand in the middle of pine forests and close my eyes, smelling both the pine trees, hearing the breeze blowing through them and carrying the honey-scent of heather down from the mountains. Yes… I spend time up in the Highlands of Scotland when I can. I grew up a nature nerd, I guess. I can name most birds I see in the UK and a good many of the wild flowers too. I have a basic knowledge of which ones are not good to touch or eat, and also which ones might be used for simple healing. It made sense to take all that… and give my knowledge to my fairy who feels most at home in forests.

To role play for me is very much like how I write when I am writing prose. It’s painting a picture with words. It’s not so much the honest words spoken from my heart when I am in conversation with friends… my RP is something fixed… static… and described. I visualize the action, then describe it and the feelings, always responding to what’s been said, then giving something for the other person to respond to.

I realise that in saying I RP as a fairy, many of you might have a mental image of some cute little pretty thing flitting about from flower to flower. I am sorry, but I have to disappoint you there.

To explain a little more of how I RP, I have to take you back to my beginnings in the often bizarre RP world. I am going to try and keep it short though.

I have never done any RP games such as Dungeons and Dragons. The only RP I have ever done has been in SL, but started back in 2008. My best friend at the time and I rented cottages opposite each other, either side of a stream on a woodland SIM. I am sure that if I could find a picture of what it looked like, I would be shocked at the lack of mesh, but the picture in my memory was of a lovely tranquil place.

In the covenant for the place, it said we didn’t have to wear medieval clothes on that SIM.. but when we asked the landlady, she said we would need to wear them if we wanted to go over to the main SIMs where we could learn to use swords, bows… and joust. My friend and I were both on voice at the time and were speechless for a few moments before dashing off to buy medieval clothes.

I had never wanted to be a princess as a little girl. I had always thought it would be much better if I could have been a knight and saved myself. SL gave me that chance. Ah I had some happy days in the Kingdom of Eternity as a bossy human Knight. *grins*

Eternity… ah yes.. The Kingdom of Eternity was a place I called home for many years. I called it home, as I rented a home on the SIM and as I entered into the RP, it became less of a home, and more of a place where people would simply turn up at all hours, shouting outside that something had happened and they needed help. It was exhausting too, now that I look back on it. Haha.

The BEST tool for RP in my opinion is the instant message… the IM window for private messages. I am always just me in those. In open chat I can be shouting at someone, cursing at them and throwing poisoned daggers at them, and in IM can be giggling with them at the smart-arsedness of our words. I get to know people I RP with, bit by bit. I admit that I only really RP fighting with people I know… and people I know aren’t going to cry if I use mean words… they will just hurl something more back and we will both be crying with laughter.

If I might paint you a picture with my words…life in the Kingdom of Eternity was a time of at least two joust tournaments a week, with good friends, some of whom I am still close to today. ‘The Lady Sashay’ is a great friend and confidant. In the RP she was a fellow knight and jouster. She and I would often throw flasks of alcohol between us at tournaments, then mount up onto our horses, who we stated drank nothing but Eternity ale…. and would then joust in heels, giggling all the way. There was no sense of equality back then, for it was often the women who won at the jousts… with much hilarity.

I am still in touch with ‘Sir Jacko Dixon’… and the Elven Lady ‘Kalista Noel’. Kali… LOL… Kali was a most fearsome woman in character. She was an amazing swordswoman and archer. It was a place which used metered combat. We would have battles each week back then, so weapons training was something that was taken seriously. How good it was that nobody could hear me giggling as we went though it all. I knew NOTHING back then. I had to learn to use bows. I have never been good with swords, but would always love pulling out a bladed whip and watching men not know whether to run towards or away from me. Bwahahaha!

Jacko. Dear Jacko Dixon deserves special mention. He was my SL Uncle, even though he’s not there anymore. As part of the story of Eternity, he played the role my Uncle, but as a twist we were on opposing sides. I was the First Knight on the light side… and he was the Dark First Knight. Funny thing was that as we got to know each other in IM as friend, we would often swear and curse as much… and had hot tempers to match. Many times he stormed off over things… and I would stomp off after him. A true friend and kindred spirit, who taught me lots about battle strategy.

It’s interesting though, as I reflect a little… all the places I have RPd in, all the countless people I have met, there’s only a handful who have remained close to me as real friends.

So.. back to Mora the fairy. There’s a side of her which is visually ‘lighter. She uses glamour to appear more human and less frightening. She can also often appear in her true, unglamoured form… darker…. pure energy and sparkle. She carries that side of me which is used to rolling up my sleeves and grabbing a weapon, or whatever is to hand and smacking someone silly with it, if needed. Some who may read this, may have been on the receiving end of when I have often used a wooden bucket to hit someone with, or throw at someone. Haha.

I RP in the lovely land of Briarhaven now. I have been there just over a year now and although I don’t RP much these days, I natter on to some of the people who are there in IM. I have been lucky enough to make some good friends there and already have some great memories. It’s always good to be a thorn in the side of some characters there. *grins*

My RP time is never going to be an excuse to dash off and form new *coughs* relationships with different people to whoever I might be with. Too often I have seen and heard “Oh.. that’s only RP!” To me, I am me. I have one life/ love. RP friends are those who I have got to know OOC (out of character) and who know me both OOC and IC (In character). Sash, Jacko and Kali might not be in SL anymore, but I do keep in touch with their RL selves. ‘Sash’ is still very much a constant in my life… a confidant and strength, the sister I would have chosen. These three have been with me so long, they are stuck with me now 😉

I often hear from people that they could never RP, they are just themselves. I admit to rolling my eyes at that. I am just myself too, but for an hour or two here and there, I exaggerate some aspects a little….. and fly. Honestly, in my almost ten years in SL, I see more upset caused by people who claim not to be RPers, but who suddenly unravel in a storm of lies and deception with a trail of destruction behind them.

I am boringly and honestly me 😉

Mora is simply a costume of words that I put on now and then to go and verbally spend time at a written munitions range. 😉

MoraDark