Inspiration?

It’s interesting where it is to be found. There are times when life seems to throw so many curve balls at me all at once, that I end up buried under them. Sometimes these challenging times offer me much to write about, or many ideas to place in a picture.

There are also moments when inspiration can come in the form of something completely different… something fun and a pure escape.

This is the second time that I have tried one of Gingerfish’s poses and immediately seen how I want a picture with it to look.

“Baby, it’s cold outside… if only there were a way I could persuade you to stay?”

Pose and included cupcakes and dough-nuts: Sugar Rush – Gingerfish. Available at Candy Fair 2017

Skybox : Snowed in sybox – Hive

Lanterns : Silver Alpbach Tree lanterns – {What Next}

Table : Soiree Table – Tres Blah

On table:

Moonlight lounge champagne – {anc}
Champagne tulip glasses – [Keke]
Christmas Candles – GA
Raz-day cakes – [keke]

 

 

Temptation

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Turn the page!

Chapter

Ever try to read late at night, and find that all you ever do is end up re-reading the same chapter over and over… night after night and all because you started off too tired to take it all in?

Ever feel like you are stuck repeating the same chapter of your life, over and over?

 

 

Credits:

POSE: Word Lust : Gingerfish. – Available at Sad November event.

SHIRT: LIT Flannel : Vinyl.

CHAISE: Amelie Swan Chaise : Trompe Loeil.

Pile of vintage books : Nutmeg

Haran Console : Lark

Harrogate Grandfather Clock, Books Occasional Table and Enamel Teapot, : Apple Fall

Gabriel’s Tin Houses : Kalopsia

Gramophone : C L A Vv.

Half-Moon Table : Fancy Decor

Lantern : .:Bee designs:.

Farmhouse Candlestick : {What Next}

Pillow Ottoman : Dust Bunny

Rustic candle holder : [ Kunst ]

Boxed cookies and coffee : Artisan Fantasy

The twilight feeling of seasons moving.

Castoff

Can you feel it?

It’s as if the world senses it’s almost time to put the year to bed, that twilight feeling of seasons moving. A time when mist mingles with wood smoke to cocoon all in a duvet of memory.

Let the crispness of air drive you inside, where the smell of fresh-baked food wakes your senses with a thirst for comfort. Light the fire, and let its glow spread round your home with the flicker of candles.

Bolt the door and shutter the windows. Banish the dark and cold. Leave them with the remnants of the year past. Cast off that of you which has died and rejoice for that which is yet to come!

Circles of Love

CirclesofLove

I admit… that I try and avoid the news these days. I don’t manage to succeed at it though, as it seems to creep into all areas of media and life. There is so much happening which has me at best shaking my head. Too much in the world seems in turmoil, or sadness, and for someone like me, it’s too easy to get bogged down in darkness and despair at it all.

So much is often made about the empty narcissism which can often fill such places as Facebook. We seem to live in an Age Of Entitlement. So often I witness an almost competition of who can shout loudest about how amazing they themselves are, that saddens me.

BUT….

LOVE is a buffer to that.There’s nothing so powerful as witnessing the love that people have for each other. I am not referring to the intimate and romantic love which exists between the lucky, oh no… for this, I am talking of the caring and deep warmth of love and friendship which exists in good times, but even more in times of hardship! That love and those people form circles of love, almost as a barrier to the darker side of life.

My faith in love has been boosted in the past few hours. I knew about the “For the love of the Devil” event which was being planned. If you don’t know about it, let me share a link to give a little more information:

https://www.facebook.com/For-the-love-of-the-Devil-186995291869902/

I heard about it from friends who were busy promoting this event which had been brought about to help a friend. People putting themselves out, giving their time to help. I saw many creators offering their items to try and help in any way. It’s the second such event in the past couple of months that I have seen…. and then shopped at. When I TPd to the event this morning, I spent a couple of moments with my mouth open, stunned by how many people were shopping there, but also just… how… many… creators had offered their crafted items for sale, just to help another.

It gave me much to think of as I shopped…

As much as times can be dark, no matter how many hardships we face, there are far more people shining their own lights, then uniting with others, to push the shadows even further away.

People… are wonderful! 😉

 

I am featuring a few items from the event in this picture:

 

Boots: Ariana Thigh High Boots – Cynful Collection by [Gos}

Dress: The Oh! Dress – Devilish Purple by [Cynful]

Pose: Devil I love 3 by Gingerfish.

Backdrop to photo: 05 Hype-Beast Backdrop by [Bad Unicorn]

All are available at ‘For the Love of the Devil’ at http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Los%20Angeles%20City/130/215/42

Why not indulge in a little shopping 😉 ❤

The passing of time.

 

FOFwrite

It feels as if the last month was almost a time of everything being thrown up into the air. I tried to catch what I could, but came to the realization that some things I simply had to let fall.

I always go through times of deep introspection when milestones in time approach. Sometimes it can be a good thing.

Today is the tenth anniversary of the day I joined SL. I have known it was coming up, and whatever else has been going on, there’s been a part of my brain reflecting on how those ten years have changed me.

I was able to rake over memories, and focus on the best parts of my SL now, as I put together my SL art exhibition. Sometimes the memories brought warmth and joy, but others have touched wounds that I thought had healed, but still showed sensitivity.

I have always found SL to be an excellent way for me to examine myself. I soon discovered how scary it can be at times, to be confronted by the words I ‘speak’ appearing on the screen. How shocking it is to see how many different ways they can be misread…. and how often they are.

In a way my SL has been a place of re-inventing my virtual self, but through exploring the many facets of my real self. It’s been an amazing way at times, of creating a space of peace in SL when RL has been so hard. It’s given me respite, and allowed me to breathe, then return stronger to RL.

I have been lucky enough to experience so many things in SL over the years. I guess one of the first things was as a ‘helper’ in a centre which helped newcomers to SL. That was where I was first encouraged to learn to build, which I LOVED. That sparked a building career which only stopped once Mesh took over. I am not sad though, I LOVE what mesh has done for SL! 😀

I guess the next big part of my time in SL was when a friend and I got hooked on learning to use weapons. What started off with swords soon migrated to horses and lances. Damn, we women made good jousters! I still have some wonderful and lasting friendships formed over the times we would throw flasks to each other, smile and laugh, then try and skewer each other. Happy times! Haha

The love of weapons and a joy found in RPing grew from there. I was at a slight disadvantage, in that I had only ever RPd in SL, but for all the OOC drama that often hit us in Eternity, we did weave some impressive tales. I RPd as a human knight there. I have also RPd as a fairy for many years too. Each role I have had carried a fair amount of my reality into it. Right now I can’t see that I will return to RP. There have been too many upsets for me to want to step outside of just being wholly myself now. That element of fantasy will just be for pictures from now on, I think.

Ah… picture-taking. It’s always been such a pleasure for me in SL, as it mirrors my RL joy in drawing and painting. Capturing a visual memory is such a magical thing. To be able to look at one and remember the mindset, the thoughts… and the feelings of that time, is something beautiful. My words and pictures in SL are all honest pieces of me, and my heart. They show my past, and my present.

For all my mistakes and heartaches during the past ten years, by far the most amazing thing I have found is how much smaller the world can seem. How wonderful to be able to sit and share, even virtual coffee, with someone real-time, while they sit in a whole other country, or even continent. My true friends are those who mean as much to me as they would if I were able to sit in a coffee shop and natter for real. Either side of the screen they are real and loved friends.

Where else can we all meet at whatever time it is in our timezone and go to a concert together. Where else can I go and listen to amazing live music dressed in my fluffy bunny PJs? 😉

To all who have been present in my life over the past ten years, whether: bringing joy; or an important lesson, whether still part of it, or not… I offer my heart-felt thanks. I am by far a better, stronger and happier person now than I was back in 2007.

😀 ❤

 

 

 

 

Legacy

Legacy

I think the hardest things for us to accept in life, is how many things happen without us able to influence them in any way.

I remember when I was young, very young, I thought it was possible to change the world. I firmly believed that if we all stood up for something at once, great waves of change could be made.

Years changed me.

I am now 46 and so different from the feisty young, opinionated woman that I once was. I shall not bore you with details of how much of the changes were brought about, but one of the many things I have learned in life, is that sometimes we need to take a BIG step back from situations, people, and feelings.

All we are guaranteed is the very moment we are living in. Since I started this, many of those moments have passed, but not in vain. Some of the thoughts in this piece of writing have been bubbling away in my subconscious for many days now, stealing my moments of peace. Far better to take the time and write them down.

I have called this piece ‘Legacy’ for two reasons: I am very much the result of that which has been handed down to me in life; I use that, and my moments of deep introspection to try and (hopefully) leave a better legacy when I am gone.

There is nothing that I have any control over in life, but myself.

I can neither affect how people react to me, nor what they think of me. The only thing I can do is be myself, consistently myself.

I am truly blessed by so many in my life. I have a core of people on both sides of the screen who are genuinely pleased to hear from me and whose sides hurt as much from laughter as mine do when we are together. How wonderful it is for me to be chosen for someone to want to spend time with.

Years ago my dear friend Steph told me that I must never look back to how someone treated me in the past… when they were happy to see me. It was a very hard lesson to take on board, but she was right! (She usually is! ❤ )

Don’t think it’s easy for me to simply step away from people. Far from it! Those of you who know me, know much I beat myself up over feeling I fail as a friend. This year, just this year, I have lost the trust and closeness of someone I hold dear. I also had my trust taken by another and used almost as a bargaining chip. Yes, both these events hurt me deeply and angered me too, but I am truly neither an easy friend to have, nor meant to be friends with all.

I am too much of most things. I pester too much, I joke too much. I often say the wrong things at the wrong times. I desperately try and patch up my mistakes, and often make things worse. I spiral. I can have very dark moments of hating myself…. and then I need to breathe and step back.

I have often been asked not to contact someone. Sometimes it has been because of how I am, and things I have done wrong. Sometimes it’s because the person simply has too much going on in their life to deal with me too. I have learnt to try and simply accept that people run out of patience with me and are finally done.

I am damaged. I am so flawed that anyone who is my friend truly has to try hard to look past the legacy of damage which leaves me awkward, over-sensitive and at times, someone to be walked away from.

I don’t simply accept this. I work… on.. me. I try and mend myself. I try and fix the many things which make me too much for those I am even close to.

What I do accept, is the decision of those to walk away from me. There are many good things in me too, and those closest to me know them. Some of you reading this know me from a ‘virtual existence’ and you can think yourselves lucky that you don’t get many texts or phone calls from me. Oh I am a cheeky natterer who can talk on and on for hours about nothing much in particular. *chuckles*

Every Tuesday I meet a group of friends before our shift at work. We sit and eat our sandwiches on the bench in the gardens at work… and put the world to right. We laugh, often apologizing for the volume when visitors walk past. In truth they usually smile back and join in though. Each one of us value that time. We send emails to and fro during the week and know that whatever good, or bad times we have had to face, we can share all on the bench and either feel the joy magnified, or the problems shared.

The world changes. Our friendships change. If things go wrong, the only part WE can change, is ourselves. We can’t make someone want to be close to us again, want to trust again. All we can do is live, move on, fix our issues, and hope that time will heal the parts meant to be healed.

Only last week I was blessed to have the chance to spend time with a friend that I hadn’t been able to enjoy the company of for so long. We picked up from where we had left off.

 

Nothing remains the same.

The world moves on, and so should we.

My wished legacy? For all my oddness, and the issues I inflict on others, I hope my son will grow up to see how amazing he is, how much he’s valued for the person he is, and how much he matters to me. In fact… that is pretty much the legacy I endeavour to pass to those who are close to me.

The good thing is that friendships and relationships are not set in stone. Time and effort can heal those things which are meant to be fixed.

 

Credits:

 

HAIR:     MINA – Lily

BODYSUIT:     Blueberry – Serena

PANTS:            Blueberry – Serena

 

 

Serenity

Serenity

Things happen to us in life.

“Shit happens”

Some of you who know me, know that I tend to worry, trying to avoid problems before they occur, but not everything is under my control. You would have thought that I could have accepted this before the age of 46! *chuckles* It’s hard to. It’s hard to hold my hands up, shrug my shoulders and simply move on. It seems so defeatist, yet to simply accept and deal with upset of the moment is far simpler, in the long-run, than engaging in that other thing to which I am predisposed: beating myself up over things.

Breathe…

sigh at what has happened, and what has been lost…

take some time to get used to how things have changed…

rebuild and refocus…

find that smile again and realise…

nothing has to change me, and who I am unless I want it to. There is much which is good and positive about me. I can lift my chin and smile, look around me at the other wonderful things and people which do remain and smile at how they affect me, and how I am able to contribute positively.

Peace, acceptance, calm, lightness….

Picture taken on the wonderful Savor Serenity in SL: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Serena%20Lady%20Blue/128/128/2